Breaking up is one of the hardest things you’ll do, especially when you are madly in love with the other person. It is time to let go when your partner wants to end the relationship with you, and he insists on never coming back to you again. It is pointless to go after your soon to be ex – after all, if you love him, you would wish him happiness, right? So that’s why we wrote the “Broken Heart Survival Guide,” a way for you to get back up stronger, and start a new life. It’s what I like to call Ex-Boyfriend Recovery.
These are some ways to help you accept the reality of breaking up, thus becoming more confident in yourself and successfully picking yourself up.
Avoid negative thoughts. Do not let the negative emotions or feelings take charge of your well-being. Being negative would not turn the situation around, but having positive thoughts would help you feel better, and recover from the heartbreak easily.
Throw away the memories. Throw away stuff that would remind you of your ex – the couples’ T-shirt, the pillow that he gave you, the watch he bought you on Valentine’s Day, etc. You should start looking forward to life as this will help to recover faster and to get ready for the next relationship.
Do something that you usually will not try. Challenge yourself to climb mountains or swim across the ocean. Achieving something new in your life will give you contentment, and make you realize that the breakup is not a big deal.
Release your feelings healthily. Take up gym sessions or get into an exercise routine. Writing it out, if you find it hard not to think of the breakup may help to put things into perspective. These actions may help you to feel better and allow you to have a clearer understanding about the breakup.
Think of the flaws of your ex. If you still cannot get over the breakup, think of all the bad things about your ex – do not remind yourself again that he is the kind and loving one, a good sex partner, an understanding one.
Lesson learned from this relationship
A breakup is painful, but it is not completely terrible either. At least, you gained one more experience in love and life. One day, when you have healed completely from the heartbreak, you will find yourself smiling over the silly things you have done.
Learning from this relationship which has now come to an end:
You know how to choose a better partner. You will feel more confident with yourself and your choice. You will know what is best for yourself and who deserves your genuine love and care.
You learned how to treat your future partner better. Through this relationship, you understand better what really makes him happy.
You know when to give encouragement, and when to avoid picking on him. You know what must or must not be done, what should or should not be talked about.
You learned how to handle heartbreak better. In case there is another failed relationship in the future, you will be stronger as you had gone through this experience before, and would not be as fragile about love life. You know what you can do to pick yourself up.
Besides, through this experience, you may know how to communicate better with other people.
You learned how to respect others. When you are in a relationship, you care for your partner most of the time, trying to understand each other and avoid complications in life.
You learned to respect the other person’s personal time and space, as well as his/her rights to speak out.
You will get to know yourself better, as opposed to presuming, you know who you are. Your partner is like a mirror to you – it reflects your personality and character, or ways to handle daily activities. You would slowly realize your own mistakes as your partner points it out to you.
Stop the blaming & forget the past
To survive a breakup, you must be generous and try to forget the past. Why would you want the negative emotions to continue with no end in sight and stuck in your mind, affecting you in your everyday life functions? If you still have feelings towards your ex, forgive him totally; forgiveness is the greatest love act of all.
Have A Look
Do not blame anyone for everything. A breakup occurs when there are problems caused by both parties. Stop the thoughts that your ex is the one with all faults. Do not blame yourself for what you have done either and keep from regretting things.
Do not question yourself, neither what you should have actually done at that time. The relationship is over now, so why continue to figure out what to do to curb the problems, especially if there is no chance to reconcile. At this moment, you should focus on how to get rid of the heartbreak and not sticking with it.
Do not let yourself look backward. Stop reminding yourself about the failures in the relationship, including checking back all the text messages and emails from your ex in the past. Do not allow all this to be the stumbling block that blocks you from thinking for yourself.
Remember the good, ditch the bad. Remember the good memories that both of you shared together; but avoid reflecting back on the bad times and pressures, as this will make you feel less confident to start a new relationship.
Focus on the future. Whatever you experienced in this relationship, take it as experiences that bring you to a whole new level of examining yourself and moving towards a better future. It is never a good thing to reflect on all the problems faced in the relationship, but when you do, make sure you know how to find ways to improve yourself for the better.
Stay away from your ex
This is the best way to get rid of having clingy feelings or emotional dependency towards your ex – stay away from your ex. Try to avoid staying in touch, as it will create chances for both of you to rekindle the flame. Do not worry about how you will survive the breakup.
Here are some tips on how to stay away from your ex.:
Just stick with it. It will be hard at first not to keep in touch with your ex, but it will get easier eventually. Be discipline in reminding yourself not to fall into the trap of wanting to get back together and have faith in you.
Politely ignore all your ex’s attempts to contact you. Your ex may feel bad for breaking up with you, or remain concerned about you and still care. Try to reject or avoid these contacts by telling him that you need some time alone.
Avoid face-to-face contact with your ex. Try to avoid meeting your ex as much as possible. Do not go and look for your ex, or allow any chances for him to meet with you. Besides this, you should also consider avoiding his close friends and relatives.
Go with your plans. To stay away from your ex, you should make your own plans to distract yourself from meeting your ex. People around may give you lots of advice, but it is best to stick with your own plans unless you are able to make the best choices out of the advice given.
Do not listen to rumors. People spread rumors just to make you feel upset or it is sometimes done unintentionally. Do not get caught up with those negative comments; move away or excuse yourself from listening to them.
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Start a breakup diary
To help you feel better after the breakup, it is always better to put things in writing. To start a breakup diary is simple; prepare a notebook and a pen. However, the choice of how to make it personal is up to you. A breakup diary can come in many forms, either being a journal, scrapbook, or a memoir – choose the best that can help you to survive your breakup.
When you write in bad or stressful moments, you will usually end up feeling better. Writing out what you most probably would keep to yourself will help you to vent out your anger, grievance, unhappiness, etc.
You will gain more control over your life. At night before sleeping, write down what had happened in the day or any events in your life. This enables you to reflect back, on what you have done and allows you to correct your mistakes if you have any.
It clears your mind. You put creativity in writing about your life events, such as word choice, the format (poems, dialog, plain text, etc), or you could use drawings rather than writing. These actions allow your thoughts to be on creative ideas, rather than putting yourself in pain and stress.
It improves your mental health. Write about your stressful moments or emotional events. Therefore, having a breakup diary would help in healing and recovery from a bad breakup. I mean, we don’t call this ex-boyfriend recovery for nothing!
You should consider the daily entries to be included in your breakup diary format. Try to develop a habit of writing daily. However, it is okay if you miss out any day – just move on with your current day’s events. Do remember to keep this diary personal and private, so that you can release your thoughts freely.
Gaining strength with friends and family
Wherever you are, your friends and family are the ones who will be available for you at all times. Never forget that your friends and family members are the most important people in your life, even with or without a life partner.
These are some of the reasons why you can gain strength from them, particularly after breakups:
They are there for you. Your family members are the ones who are concerned about you the most. Your close friends would support you for your decisions. These people are the ones who surround you most of the time and understand you the most.
You will get the best advice. Your family and friends give you practical and reasonable advice because they know you best, your personality and character. They know what is best for you to hear and thus attempt to give advice.
They will try their best to help you to get out of bad relationships. They will never fail you. When you are upset, family and friends may take you away for a break or just to enjoy and have fun. When you have no idea where to release your thoughts, your best pal will prompt you to speak of your mind.
They may help sort out problems with you. Even if you want reconciliation with your ex, they will find give advice on whether is it worth a try. When you find it hard to bear the heartbreak, your family and friends will stay connected to you to make sure you will be all right, or maybe help you by trying to fix you up with a better future partner.
They are good listeners. Never neglect this fact. Your family and friends are the ones who are willing to hear from you and genuinely feel sorry for you and help you as best as they can.
Work hard and keep yourself busy
You should not become more negative after you experienced a bad breakup. You should not be a sad, depressed, and pathetic person for too long as this may become a habit. You must understand that even though you lost your partner of whom you loved most, you did not lose everything.
Work hard. This is the time for you to strive harder for yourself, and achieve greater performance in your work. Work towards getting yourself a salary raise, a higher promotion, or a great offer that satisfies you.
If possible, relocate yourself to a better place. Move to another place for better job opportunities or use it as a way of staying away from your ex, and avoiding any contact. This will allow you to pay full attention to your work.
Take up more recreational activities. Go for gym sessions, cycling, walkathons, and any other physical activities which will benefit you and your physical health too. Get involved in social groups, like attending church activities, volunteering, etc. You may also practice meditations to bring about emotional, spiritual, and mental balance.
When you keep yourself busy
You find yourself gaining greater self-confidence. Breakups make you develop low self-esteem, making you feel inferior because someone you loved the most rejects you.
You grow in maturity and become a better person. You should immerse yourself with your work and keep yourself busy with helpful activities, forcing yourself to stay away from feeling depressed which may cause negative indulgence such as heavy drinking, sleeping around, or even suicide.
You do not have to worry about your future. At least after the breakup, you have a stable working life or better work opportunities. You may find yourself a better future partner in the most unexpected way. Besides, through better working performance, you can prove to your ex that life without him still goes on.
Taking care of yourself
Breakups can be very painful, as someone you loved and spent time with the most, now rejects you, or that someone who once loved you the most no longer does. Since you cannot reverse the breakup, it is time for you to lift your spirits up, be strong, and survive the relationship. It can be hard to pick yourself up, but you can start with the first step – taking care of yourself.
Do not let yourself fall sick. Do not allow the negative feelings and emotions to affect your physical health. Avoid thinking too much. Do not get too depressed as it could make you become physically weary, which may affect your daily routines. Most importantly, get enough rest and sleep.
Avoid self-destructive habits. Do not take drugs. Do not start smoking heavily, or become drunk often. These will never help you to feel better; instead, it may destroy you, over time. Do also bear in mind, besides your ex, there are people out there who still care and love you, especially your family and friends.
Do not fool around with love. Before you fully understand and handle the breakup, do not rush into the next relationship; do not go around sleeping with others, just because you want to get back at your ex or because you feel no one cherishes you anymore. Please respect yourself, and do not lower your self-esteem.
Keep up with your daily routines. After the breakup, release your emotions. Cry hard, be sulky, and be angry but don’t indulge in these for too long. Get back to your daily routines as soon as possible. Getting back to normal or even become a better person is better for you and those around you. Learn to focus on happy thoughts and actions.
Moving on & start a new lifestyle
Staying positive is the best way to heal your pain and recover from a bad breakup. Do not let yourself falls deeper into depression after the breakup, and you must understand that there could be others who depend on you – your working partner, your colleagues, your family, and friends, or your children. There are many great things in future-ready for you to discover and own them.
Get away. You may consider changing your working location or settle your life somewhere else. Go overseas for further studies or better job opportunities if you can. This is a good way of getting rid of the thoughts of the breakup and living with past memories.
Increase your knowledge. Start having reading habits, or do plantings, etc. You can start a new lifestyle by indulging in something that you would love to do and it can benefit you. You may even learn more by taking lessons on a different language, cooking, golf lessons, or you can further your studies to get a Ph.D. degree.
Pamper yourself. Now as you are being single, give yourself a better life. Go for a relaxation spa, reflexology, or pick up Yoga, practice meditations to enhance your outer and inner beauty. Pick up a sport, a hobby, or interest to do when you are free. Socialize with others, as it provides a healthier well-being condition, mentally, psychologically, and emotionally. Hang out with your business partners even after work for leisure. Have a nice shopping day with your best girlfriends.
When you are ready to move on and leave behind the breakup completely, make the right decision for yourself, to find a better future partner for a more serious relationship, or stay being single. This time, try not to let it fail again because you experienced this painful heartbreak before.
You can do it!
Some breakups may be horrible due to difficulties in fixing big issues. Some people may experience domestic violence or having a partner who violates their own personal rights.
Some are so attached to their partner, that they do not have any idea, how to survive the breakup. If nothing else works, for you to survive a breakup, it is better to seek professional help or counseling to start the ex-boyfriend recovery process.
Counselors give you professional advice. You may get the answers that you are seeking, from counseling sessions. Counselors will give you the most appropriate and professional advice that best suits your situation.
You will be encouraged to make a positive change. Counselors lead you to see the bigger picture of your current issues and open your mind. They also try to show you opportunities to change your situation.
Counseling may help in solving a particular problem, which triggers the pain from the bad breakup. Seeking counseling may also help you to get out of depression and stress, allowing you to be less anxious.
Counseling guides you to handle the issues that you find hard to get rid of. Counseling sessions may help you to get rid of your heavy negative emotions and feelings after the breakup, such as sadness, grievance, feeling of remorse, etc. Counseling may also help you to control your aggressiveness.
You begin to understand yourself better. Through counseling sessions, you may realize some of your own mistakes or what is the main cause of the breakup, which slowly allows you to be set free from the bondages.
Get rid of addiction. If you fall into addictions such as drugs, smoking, alcohol, or any other vice activities after the breakup, counseling helps you to stay away from them and leads you back on track with your daily health routines.