Dear Tracy, my husband is my best friend. We’ve been together 9 years next month. I can barely remember a time when we weren’t a part of each other’s lives. But as time went on in our relationship I gained weight and well so did he to some extent. As I got bigger and bigger, we started having relations less and less. A few days turned into a few weeks and now we may go months at a time before touching each other. He says he loves me but how could he? If he loved me wouldn’t he at least try and touch me? Should we just get a divorce and get it over with? I really don’t know what to do anymore.
When you said that your husband was your best friend, there was really nothing beyond that statement you needed to say before I had the answer to your question. No, I do not think you and your husband should get a divorce. Friendship is the basis of any GOOD relationship and if you have that, then anything and everything else can be worked out with a little effort. Friendship is the building block of a happy marriage and since you have that, then anything else wrong in your marriage can be fixed.
The smart ass, obvious answer is, lose weight. But I know that’s much easier said than done. Truth is, I don’t actually believe in divorce (except in the cases of abusive spouses). I think that when you make that commitment for life, then you should follow through on that. It’s easy to give up and move on. The real strength of a person comes from when they struggle and try to make it work. Those who succeed find out they are a better person for it overall. If you didn’t want to spend the rest of your life with that person, through the good times and the bad then why did you marry them in the first place? Are you a liar? Are you a quitter? If not then you need to see your vows through and start making the changes in your life that will improve your situation. What can you do specifically? Be more aggressive. Buy ummm toys. You know the kind I mean. LOL Buy movies. Yes, I do mean the naughty kind! Watch them together. If he doesn’t reach out first, then you reach out. Just because you are a woman doesn’t mean you can’t be the one grabbing his private parts.
The hardest thing you’ll ever do in your life is to make your marriage work. But through the good times and the bad, you two need to make it work. You said you would, so now it’s time to put your money where your mouth is. Actually, start making an effort to make your marriage work. Spend time together. Make sure a week doesn’t go by where you do something special for him. It won’t be easy at first. It may even feel awkward in some situations, but in time you’ll see it was worth it.
Your marriage is important so you need to work hard to make it a happy one. If he isn’t putting in the effort, give it time. You just keep doing all you can do to make him happy. All things in good time and I’m sure you’ll see that eventually, things will improve. Just in time and above all, GIVE IT THE EFFORT.
But what are the signs that your marriage is over?
- You never argue.
I never argued with my ex-husband. I just didn’t feel the need to argue with him or should I say, I just didn’t care enough to argue with him.
- He isn’t your go-to person.
My husband was my best friend. I told him everything about my life, the good and the bad. If I had a bad day at work, he knew about it, because we honestly talked about everything in our lives. Then somewhere along the way, that stopped being the case. That’s really how I knew my marriage was over. One day I closed a big deal, and I didn’t even tell him about it. That was the thing that made me realize we just weren’t the same anymore.