The 3rd date?

Dear Tracy,  I met a guy at work who I’m really attracted to.  He works in another floor do I don’t really get to see him during the day all that often so that doesn’t concern me about doing a co-worker but you know how rumors go at work.  So what do I do?  What way can I avoid getting a horrible rep at work?  I don’t want my co-workers to think I’m a slut if this doesn’t work out.  So is the 3rd date really best?  Or does that even matter anymore in modern day times?

If you don’t want people to see you like a slut then don’t act like one.  It truly is that simple.

As far as the 3 date rule goes, I don’t quite know where that came about but I don’t agree with it.  It’s not really appropriate do have intimate relations with a guy you’ve only had a few dates with.  Some people say the 3rd date is fine for a first kiss, but not for anything more. If you really like a guy then take it slow and don’t be afraid to wait as much as 3 months!

Okay sure some people may think that’s just old fashioned, but it’s not about age, it’s about self-respect. It’s about taking the time to get to know a person before you give them everything. Would you take out a knife and cut a small piece of your flesh off and give it to some random guy you met while walking down the street? Of course not. That would just be crazy, right? But would it be any less crazy to give yourself to a man you don’t know just because you are “dating”? I mean come on, because you put a label on it, doesn’t mean you know him any more than you know anyone else. Take your time, slow down and find out if this guy is worth getting the big prize … YOU.

Why rush into things?  If you really like him then going to fast will only turn him off and if things don’t work out, it’s a way to ensure you are going to hear those office rumors about how fast you slept with him.

So here is my advice … If you insist on dating someone at work then go slow.  Don’t have intimate relations with him to fast, and avoid calling him.  Don’t be a stalker.  He already has to see you at work so don’t make it uncomfortable for him.  Instead if he doesn’t call you, then he doesn’t call you.  Don’t make a big deal about it.  Just move on and find other things to do.

If he respects you he will call you.  Don’t give him a reason on to respect you.

Does it have to be three months? Of course not. For some people it will be as soon as three weeks, while with others it could very well be in three days. Only you know what is right for you. There is no magical formula. The point is that you slow down and take the time to get to know the person you are with. Sometimes people are harder to open up than others so it may very well take months on end to really get to know if they are right for you. While others are an open book and in just a few dates, you feel like you’ve been friends forever. All I’m asking you to do is to give yourself sometime today, to potentially save yourself some serious heartache in the future.

The 3rd date?

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